They drive away
And the ache returns.
It stabs me, stings me,
It hurts and it burns.
I yearn to fold him
Into me as one.
The way that we started
When life’d just begun.
I know that can’t last,
He had to break free.
But it doesn’t stop,
That urge from overcoming me.
Every day that goes by,
He grows inch by inch.
At the same time my heart fills,
I still feel it pinch.
I yearn for the excitement,
Of what may come to pass.
Yet long in each moment,
To just make it last.
But, last it will not.
What folly is this?
Waste my dreams and my hopes
On an impossible wish.
For time races by,
With a cruel mocking laugh.
Each second, too short,
Chronos acting with wrath.
Yet, at the same time,
Time, of course, is a gift.
As I fill with that gratitude,
My heart feels a lift.
I want to melt myself,
Into every minute.
Knowing that each is fleeting,
Even while you’re still in it.
I ache when he leaves me.
I ache when he’s near.
The ache of ambient grief.
The ache of my fear.
Not entirely tangible, yet visceral.
I feel it to my core.
The ache.
Having everything, and still wanting more.
As soon as he charted
His independent quest,
I lost touch a little,
Though trying my best.
I think that’s the path,
We all step onto,
When our dream of a child
Finally comes true.
We begin as one
And slowly grow apart.
How to do best by them
Seems an impossible art.
I ache with loss
And I ache with love.
I approach the precipice
But don’t trust fate not to shove.
I yearn to be a part of everything,
As he comes into his own.
Knowing he has wings to spread
And seeds to be sewn.
Not gone yet, but he’s going,
I feel it deep inside.
And I want that for him, I do,
Even with each tear I’ve cried.
But also, I don’t.
I wish he’d stay near.
The conflict inside me
Brings on a fresh tear.
He’s close and he’s far,
All at the same time.
I try to stay present
While overcome by sublime.
Something so beautiful
I can’t look it full-on.
Like the flaming sun at horizon,
When watching first dawn.
As much as my heart,
The ache’s a part of me now.
And I vow always to love him,
The best I know how.
Soliloquy on Imperfectionism 