I sit with gratitude.
I can hear myself think.
The beautiful knowledge:
I don’t need to drink.
Not even “need,”
I prefer it this way.
Life’s so much better.
(It surprises me to say.)
I couldn’t have imagined
A life without booze.
I certainly wouldn’t think
It’d be something I’d choose.
I thought it would mean
That I’d lose my shimmer.
That life without alcohol
Would somehow be dimmer.
But what I see now
Is any dim came from blur.
Beneath smiles and laughter,
I was often unsure.
Anxious, depressed,
All different shades of blue.
Not all captured in pictures
But, still, also true.
What I’d hate to remember,
What I’d try to forget,
Was the wondering, worrying,
Longing to reset.
I thought I was joyful.
I thought I was fine.
But the life I was living
Was not wholly mine.
Not in the way
That I know it now.
Since I made my decision,
To myself, made a vow.
I would live my life.
Moments big, moments small.
Present, aware,
Awake through it all.
I feel my feelings
And, each time, I survive.
More than that, though…
Dare I say…thrive?
Because in emotion,
Lies data and clues.
A deep unique knowing
That beautifully stews.
Perhaps, it’s a simmer,
As ingredients, we add.
Flavors mixing together,
The happy and sad.
Faint threads of wisdom
Braid a rich tapestry
That now surrounds me
With my choice to live free.
I’ve never had more fun.
I’ve never been braver.
I treasure my life.
Each moment, I savor.
Soliloquy on Imperfectionism 